Starting Again

Well, here I am again. I can't believe it. I really thought I had a handle on my food issues, but I obviously I didn't. I lost 70 pounds and was well on my way to my goal of losing 100 pounds, so what happened? I was feeling so good! I felt healthy, strong, in control, alive! I just knew I would never slip back, yet I did. Why? 

I kept the 70 pounds off for over a year. I had never done that before. I thought my ability to maintain my weight loss proved I had conquered my food addiction. But, then life happened. It's not an excuse, but it's the truth.  I was in a job where I was verbally abused and harassed on a daily basis. But, the economy sucked and I needed the job. I worked long hours, and didn't get off work in time to go to my support group. Without accountability, I quit tracking. My daughter left home, I put on a huge wedding for her and then she left again, all the way across the United States. I quit my job and got a new and better one. Then, my 84 year old mother got the news: she had lymphoma and would need round the clock care as she endured chemo. It was during this time, I just lost it. I couldn't seem to focus on my weight, my food journal, exercise or anything. It was like I was just focused on bringing her through her ordeal and that was all that mattered. I didn't matter. So here I am. Scared to even step on the scale for fear of what it will say. I know I have to face it. I know you cannot change what you are unwilling to face. Why can't I face it?