What? No Scale????

Well, the day I had eagerly anticipated finally arrived: Official Weigh-In at the end of my first 6-week phase on Prism. If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know that the Prism program doesn't allow you to step on the scale until the end of each 6 week phase and it was KILLING me not to jump on the scale and see my progress! But, staying true and accountable to the program and my group, I didn't step one toe on that scale one time during these past 6 weeks.

Then, FINALLY the weigh-in day arrived this past Monday. I showed up to Prism group practically jumping with excitement to get on the scale and see what all my hard work and determination had done to move that number down the scale! For the weeks leading up to my big weigh-in, I kept telling my husband that I would be happy with "anything over 10 pounds". My very kind and very wise husband gently reminded me this journey wasn't about the number on the scale, but rather about making better food choices and becoming healthy. In my heart I knew what he was saying was true, but being the typical type-A that I am, I wanted to see a NUMBER that signified my pain and sacrifice was WORTH IT.

Well, I arrived at class, and guess what? The gal who was supposed to bring the scale was unable to make the meeting! I almost died!!!! All my pent up anticipation, all my waiting, hoping, obsessing and now NO SCALE? I admit, I was more than a little disappointed. I felt robbed! But, as we began to discuss how the number on the scale really isn't the goal here, but more of a tool in our weight loss journey, I began to see things a little differently. The real point of this weight loss journey is to become healthy, whole, vital and all we were made to be. My husband was right. My group was right. I was still letting the number on the scale determine my self-worth. I get that now. Just as much as when I was gaining weight and the number going up on the scale affected my self-worth, I was still letting it determine my self-worth, even though the number was going down.

If I don't break this cycle, this distorted way of thinking, how will I ever be able to feel good about myself? The short answer is: I won't. I understand now, the number on the scale is an "indicator" only. It can show me how my food choices are affecting the molecular make-up of my body, but it doesn't determine my self worth.

I'm glad the scale was not available that night. I would never have learned this very important lesson. This journey is about making better food choices and becoming the healthy, vital woman God created me to be.

I am more than a number on a scale.

By the way.... I was given permission to weigh at home and guess what? I lost 28 pounds! I'm making better choices and becoming healthier. I'm no longer obsessing about the weigh-in next time. If I don't lose as much next time around, I won't be disappointed and beat myself up for it and fall off the wagon.

There is joy in the journey!