Becoming Aware Of My Addiction

Today was my first day really working the PRISM program and suddenly I am aware of how much "unconscious eating" I have been doing to this point and how much I rely on food to ease my stress and stuff my emotions. Today I wrote down every single item that went into my mouth. I had to look up the calorie count for everything and weigh and measure each portion. This sounds like a pain, but it is helping me to make better food choices. When you only have 1300 calories for an entire day, suddenly fat free milk on your oatmeal sounds like a great idea, because the calories saved there means you can eat a little bit more throughout the rest of your day. Also, I am eating when I'm actually hungry. True hunger is something I haven't felt in a long time. I've just been eating out of stress, boredom, habit. I was using food as a crutch, like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. I've looked down on my brother who has struggled (and lost mostly) with a drug addiction since age 18 (he's 52 now). I've often wondered (and said out loud) "Why can't he give the drugs up once and for all? Can't he see what his addiction is costing him?" Yet, here I am, overweight to the point it is affecting my life and health in very negative ways, but yet I continued on in my ADDICTION. I am addicted to food. I admit that now. There's no denying it. I just found a more socially acceptable drug, food, that I can abuse to elevate my mood and cope with the stress of life, that doesn't come with a jail sentence if I'm caught abusing it. I understand my brother's addiction so much more now that I have accepted the reality and truth of my own addiction. I accept that I will always be an addict, but I believe in a Higher Power that can give me the strength to overcome it. I believe God has a plan for my life and that as long as I am bound by my addiction to food, I will never fully realize my potential or His plan. I no longer want to be controlled by food. I'm choosing to rely on God for my strength, because this addiction is more than I can manage on my own. I understand the AA mantra of "One Day At A Time", because when you are an addict, you have to manage it that way. You can't look down the road a year from now, you have to take it day by day, and even sometimes, hour by hour and moment by moment. So today, I'm choosing to make better choices this day. I'm taking it One Day At A Time.